My Lady Hustle - When it all falls down

And all of a sudden, the simple, peaceful, little beautiful world I created for myself was starting to crumble and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I saw the signs, but I was in bliss. I guess I wanted to enjoy the moment instead of make a change. 

Let's start with my dating life... you know how they always say, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is?!? Well.... 

I met him on 4/24/24 and he blew up and yelled at me after lying straight to my face on 9/25/24 almost an exact 5-month time frame. Ugh will I ever find my husband? Will he ever be ready for me?!? Any who, it took another week and a half for me to realize that proof or no proof, the intuitive feeling that I woke to, from my good sleep the night before the big blow up (and technically the second bold face lie that I know about) was right.  Something was way off and I can't stick around to find out what or who it is. Ladies! This is precisely why the 3-month rule was created, and I fell short by about a month. SMH 

Next ,my job.... I love working only three days a week and being able to pay all my bills off of it. I loved that my boss let me work my other job while working his. I love that both of my jobs were so flexible when it came to taking time off or switching up my schedule if need be. I knew he would be moving next month – at the end of next month. My mind was starting to turn with thoughts of where I will work if he doesn’t allow for remote, but I had two whole months to figure it out. I wasn’t too worried. I mean he and his family just got back in town after being gone for two months so I’m sure they want to relax. Well I was wrong! They’re not happy here, the cost of building has doubled and it’s just cheaper all the way around for them to go back to North Carolina. Then today I’m told that today is the first of my last two weeks working for the man instead of last 2 months.  

Lord I want to scream, and run, and cry and hide, and jump off a bridge. 

To top it all off. I put in my notice to vacate, as my lease was coming to an end 30 days ago, so... I have 29 days to figure out if I want to stay in town or crawl back to the door my father always so graciously and generously reminds me is open for me. 29 days to decide if I want to get a job here so I can qualify and afford rent. 29 days to decide if the business I’ve been preparing to market should come to a screeching halt or go full speed ahead. 29 days to decide if I really want to stay and continue to be lonely in this state. And so on, and so forth. 

I apologize to both God and myself for slacking soooo much this summer, for getting way too comfortable with life and for wasting my time listening to friends about my dating situation when i knew I should’ve cut him off at the 3-month mark. No offense but none of the women I discussed this with have a relationship that I'd want to fashion. UgghAAAAhhhhhHH!!  

Ok that probably won't be my last scream for the night but I’m working on it. I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm this morning, full of energy and in an oddly great mood and on my way home from work this evening I tried my best not to burst out in tears because I had one more stop for the night and I couldn’t let anyone see that mess. 

Once I got home from the day, measures to calm my mind, body and spirit were in order. I drank some detox and stress relief tea. Did a DIY yoni steam, a detoxing bubble bath, a body scrub, face scrub and lip scrub, washed and deep conditioned my hair and did some reading of one of the many self-help books I own.  

This particular book is about the difference between the way men and women think and handle situations. After all of this I had a new perspective regarding the things that have been going on in life. For the dating situation, I may have handled the situation wrong but that was my reaction to his wrong. As far as the rest of life... I mean I always wanted some time to be able to take a month off and explore another country, that's just very hard to do without adequate funds, but I do believe anything is possible. Although I feel ill-prepared, I am in so much of a better position than when I had a similar situation a few years back. I guess I’ll just have to get to work and keep my eyes peeled for major money-making opportunities to make another one of my dreams a reality.  

After all, last year December was my first solo international trip so maybe, just maybe, God and the universe have conjured up all this mishap to work in my favor. I keep trying to remind myself of the other good ‘ole saying: “Let go of what was to make space for what will be.”